UPDATE ~ The Limitation Chronicles - ENTERING THE NEW AGE and more

 IF IT LOOKS HARD AND PAINFUL AND IT FEELS HARD AND PAINFUL - IT MUST BE AN OPPORTUNITY!
No shit! Okay, the truth is I was not so sanguine about this on Friday!
Any of you who have listened to me on News For The Soul or read my book know that the brave soul who is my husband has shown up, at least in part, to help me learn some lessons about relationships. Unfortunately for both of us I am extremely stubborn and, apparently, a very slow learner. As such, we have an extremely mercurial and stormy relationship. The good news is, I’m learning lots! And this weekend was no exception.

Half the time it is so ridiculous I don’t even remember what we are supposed to be fighting about. In all seriousness, I don’t usually care what we are supposed to be fighting about because I am aware that if we are fighting about anything it simply means I have something to look at and yet another pocket of “stuff” to clean out. One would think I would be fairly devoid of pockets by now. I know I have said this, more than once, but this weekend I believe I dove into the last (and most significant) one. I share this because I believe, at core, it is a pocket we all share and I hope that my experience in locating and starting to clean it out will be helpful and instructive.

Many of you may know that two and a half years ago I loaned a friend a substantial amount of money, unsecured, that was supposed to be repaid within a few months but has yet to be repaid. Since that time I have divested myself of all my former business interests and have been concentrating on my consulting/healing practice. I absolutely love this work. Let me say that another way. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS WORK. In fact, if it is “work” it has set a new standard for the word. I have never been happier in this lifetime. I have never felt more fulfilled or connected, to everyone and everything. I am incredibly grateful that I can do the thing I love, develop and use all my gifts, and be paid actual money for it!

Having said all of that, my income does not yet match my lifestyle. I am exceedingly good at living. I love beautiful things, good food and wine, travelling and treating the people I Iove. I have a gorgeous house filled with gorgeous things, lovely clothes, a shoe collection most women would die for and all the toys I desire. I have been princessized and I am not interested in compromising my lifestyle. In fact, I’ll go farther; I do not believe I have to compromise my lifestyle because I have chosen to pursue my passion as my “career”.

Honestly, for the past two years my “lifestyle” has been soundly and, for the most part, lovingly, subsidized by my husband. This situation has allowed me to learn to take from someone as opposed to always being the giver. It has allowed me to plumb the depths of my worthiness to receive. It has allowed me to look closely at my integrity, or lack thereof, during the times when I am taking from my husband but not giving of myself. If I am sounding cavalier about any of this, I really don’t mean to. All of these opportunities have been provided and I have been and continue to be grateful for them because I do recognize them to be opportunities for growth.

So, getting back to my story; this past weekend I was presented with a huge opportunity for growth when, in the midst of yet another tussle, my husband asked me, in all seriousness, how much it would take to get rid of me (I assumed he meant to buy me out of our house and not to hire a hit man to dispose of me in a more permanent manner). Now, my son is getting ready to go off to college; if I’m not living here I have no idea where I want or “need” to live and, of course, I’m not actually earning enough to support us.
To my credit I resisted the momentary urge to freak out and, instead, allowed myself to actually feel the fear. I also realized, I am sure with substantial help from my posse that my other lesson was to be totally, completely, 100% in my heart with Wes NO MATTER WHAT.

This is where you need to pay attention: our lesson is to be totally, completely, 100% in our hearts NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER WHOM.
I realized this past weekend that our place of being is 100% in our hearts no matter the circumstances and once I realized this I actually did it. I also realized that we do not have to love or even “like” someone in order to be 100% in our hearts with and for them. I was able to demonstrate for myself this weekend that I can be totally in my heart for another human being and I mean really be there and present for another human being with all my heart energy and love when that person is angry at me, wanting to leave me, saying “mean” things to and about me. I learned that it is possible to just be in my heart and present for another no matter what. You are probably getting the message that this understanding was a profound experience for me.

So, back to the fear, which, really, I think I had to sit in before I could just be in my heart. I felt the fear in my sacral area and I allowed all of it to just be there without talking myself out of it or pushing it away. I felt this overwhelming and almost paralyzing fear for my survival and my ability to provide for my son. When I had allowed the feeling to grow to its true size I took my consciousness inside the fear to see what was residing there. I saw myself in another life as a child. I was dirty and dressed in rags, alone and living on the street. Just thinking about it now as I am typing I am moved to tears by the smallness, quietness and aloneness of this me. And yet, because I can see her so clearly, there is something majestic, vulnerable but regal about this waif. She is alone and cold and dirty and hungry but somehow also self-possessed and as I look at her and merge with her she does not actually feel afraid. I sense in her a sense of wonder like confusion or lack of understanding as to how this came to be. I do not sense that she felt like a victim. I know she felt sad and alone but those are different feelings. There is an inner strength in this little girl, an acceptance of her circumstances that is in no way a capitulation but, more, a recognition. Yes, an acceptance that she is going to die, alone.

Sitting here now, seeing all of this unfold, because I did not see all of this when I looked this weekend, I have so much love and respect, yes respect, for this little girl and there is so much tenderness in my heart for her and her power I am almost blown away by it and by her. In this current life I have had so incredibly much more material wealth and comfort than this little girl but I have not had an iota of the internal strength or acceptance I see her demonstrate and I feel shamed and humbled by this.

And I see that given the incredible material comfort of this life I would never have been able to access this other piece if I had not created circumstances that allowed me to feel incapable of supporting myself and my son and I am grateful and overwhelmed at the same time.
I am going to sit with all of this for a bit but I thank you for the opportunity to share and I hope my journey will provide some guidance for any of you feeling the need.

From my humility amidst plenty to yours...

by Leslie Kleiman, 250-743-1862, slk@seaside.net
I have a consulting, healing and teaching practice, and I am here to assist people in achieving their dreams. For more about me please visit my website at http://www.questionsofspirit.com. Leslie can be heard every Wednesday morning at http://www.newsforthesoul.com. To find out more about Leslie's incredible book, Who Said It Has To Be Hard? go to http://www.thehealingjournal.com/node/1622

ENTERING THE NEW AGE ~ I have been engaged in a workshop the past three weeks with some brave and wonderful women, by each of whom I would be honored to be deemed a friend. We are learning to TRUST; no more and no less. Interestingly, what and whom we are learning to TRUST is ourselves; no more and no less. We are learning to trust and believe that we each love, revere and honor our self enough to create whatever life remains to us as one filled with love, joy and abundance; and possibly far more but certainly no less. I know that we each already know that we can create; although we may have fooled ourselves into believing that we cannot. What we are learning and will have mastered by the end of this pivotal year of 2010 is that we can trust and trust in our creations; that we can believe we have eliminated any vestigial pockets of unworthiness that would skew, maim or distort our creations. We are learning to trust and believe that it is safe to both feel and display the joy in our oceanic hearts that comes from knowing that we can create, henceforth, only for our highest good in a way that brings more joy and love and abundance into each of our lives.

On Monday we did two exercises in the workshop. We each looked at our deepest fears and at how and why we have each played or seen our self as the victim. I thought I would experience my victimhood somewhere between my solar plexus and my root. Interestingly, I felt it in my heart. When I looked inside I saw that my heart had a very large thick wall running through it. I asked the wall to leave for a bit as I explored what was behind it. I found a whole young fresh and innocent part of my heart which looked a lot like a newborn baby with large and blinking eyes that were not quite adjusted to the light and this newborn piece of my heart has just been hanging out behind the wall forever, or at least for the last 58 years.

I just sat with the newborn part of my heart for a while, allowing it to start to integrate with the rest of my heart and I asked the wall to leave permanently, thanking it for having “protected” the newborn and innocent part of my heart from harm. I did some ceremony for the wall, ultimately sending it, as pure energy, back to Source, and then had an almost overwhelming experience of how huge, indeed, Oceanic, my full heart is. In the second exercise we were invited to accompany the Guides we have been given for the workshop (and longer if we choose) to our deepest fears with the intention of fully exploring them and the limitations they have engendered. We were each further invited to notice how our fears have been protecting us or giving us the illusion of safety.

Again, I was surprised by what I found. My only remaining but by far largest fear was that I will not have love in this lifetime (or maybe just that I will not have love, period). And when I asked how that fear has been protecting me I saw how it has allowed me to make safe choices; to not take risks emotionally.

Again, I thanked my fear for doing what it deemed best to keep me “safe” but invited it to let go. If my biggest desire is to really experience all the love I can there is no place for fear that I will not be loved and I officially decided, then and there, that I want all the love I can get. I will take it, gladly, and give it back, gladly. I will revel in it, take it in, mix it with my own, and send it back out again multiplied exponentially for the use and good of all. And I’m just sitting for a moment taking all of this in. A life without fear; a life with unlimited love; a heart with no limitations; All That Is. From the desire to experience total freedom in a human body within me the desire to experience total freedom in a human body within you (and a special thanks to my brilliant and constant Guides)... To be continued... http://questionsofspirit.wordpress.com

by Leslie Kleiman, consultant, teacher, certified Reiki Master, in Mill Bay, BC, "I have a consulting, healing and teaching practice, and I am here to assist people in achieving their dreams. For more about me please visit my website at http://www.questionsofspirit.com, 250-743-1862, slk@seaside.net

If you absolutely knew you would succeed at whatever you tried, what would you be willing to try?" In the fall of 2009, Leslie Kleiman commenced a journey to look at, experience and transform her fears around her ability and worthiness to create unlimited abundance while pursuing her life’s passion as an intuitive life coach and Reiki Master. The result was "Who Said It Has To Be Hard?" a book chronicling that journey.
Throughout the book Leslie demonstrates, with pathos and humor, how the maxim that something is only valuable if obtained through hard work or hardship is merely an outdated belief system supporting our core feelings of unworthiness.
Leslie says: " My intention is that you will use this book as a resource and as a way to validate and empower your intuition. I would love it if you would simply choose a place in the book whenever you feel the need for guidance and trust that the chapter you have chosen contains the guidance you are seeking. Reading it from cover to cover and laughing as you do so would be good, too."